The Grinning King

There was a king that few have heard of. Some said he was no man, as what man could do as he did and still smile?

A golden king, one of many who would cover themselves in wealth to symbolise their distance from the common folk, always dressed in the most expensive and extravagant clothes. His reign was short but terrifying, the sort that leaves behind legends that last far longer than one’s own name . He ruled in leisure, caring little for his responsibilities as king, something that most around him encouraged. It was easier for his advisors, his  generals and so-called allies to get what they wanted if he didn’t put any effort towards the governing of their kingdom. So as he paid them no mind they returned in kind, this king was able to do as he pleased.

He drank, ate, coupled and danced as much as he wanted for as long as he wanted, knowing no one could or would say a word against it. Every pleasure, every pain, every piece of land, valuables or person was his to use and abuse. He would walk amongst the crowds untouched, protected by the impenetrable might of his patricians giving him all the power he desired and far more.

There were some excesses here and there, but nothing that wouldn’t be expected of a king. All was cleaned up and mouths were shut, so everyone who deserved to get what they wanted by right could have it, while those who raised any objections would  get only what the rulers wished to give away.

Yet as is wont of kings and their reigns, his use gradually lessened, his advisers kindly suggested he might want to find some ways to leave the throne to someone more eager to rule. After all, there were many; frustrated so far; candidates who would be happy to take his place, and precedent stood for a king abdicating when the need arose. 

But the king wouldn’t have it. He had so much power, could get away with so much, who would willingly give up such a thing?

He was advised again that many would be unhappy with that choice, even tried to assure that if he were no longer king, he was of royal blood and would still be able to indulge in his hedonistic practices.  Not to mention he would have less responsibilities to care for. The king cared not for any responsibilities. He cared for the title. Ridding himself of that simple title made him no lesser than a subject, therefore allowing someone else to force him to care.

He was once again strongly advised to find an exit from his throne, lest those who opposed him would go so far as to take it from him. His advisors were sure that as lazy and dense as their king was, he would surely value his life over all the commodities of his position, especially when he would still be far better than most. Yet when everything was explained, both his privileges and that plenty others would make sure he met an early end if he refused, the king said nothing. 

He simply grinned.

The next day, all those opposing candidates were gone, nowhere to be found. The advisors, the generals, and the so-called allies were perplexed by their disappearance. Meanwhile, the king continued to grin.

This didn’t deter his scheming advisors, so they tried to search for new candidates.  There would be plenty of opportunities to take the king away from his throne, as his hedonistic lifestyle would not be suffered by many for long. Yet as time went on, fewer and fewer would show up, until no one took the call for the crown. It baffled them, such powerful individuals had been in their posts for years, most directly inheriting or bribing their way to get it. They knew how the game was played, they knew someone always wanted the throne.

Perhaps if they had listened to the people they were supposed to serve, they would have heard rumors of strange disappearances. Of violent killings that left naught but bloody stains and golden flakes scattered around the streets. Numerous noblemen of different houses and ranks were found victims of this inexplicable string of violence. Interestingly, the bodies of people found dead were those very ones who had dared to imply a desire for the throne. It finally happened so that everyone who even could would disappear one night, never to be seen again.

This finally caught the attention of the advisors, putting two and two together until they learned of the king’s excesses going too far, to spilling blood that should not be spilled. They devised a plan, one that was far from original, but it had worked in the past for many kings in many a kingdom before. When the king was confronted by his would-be executors, all he did in response was grin.

The next day there were no advisors anymore. The kingdom was left with nothing but a king to rule it, and one that did nothing but squeeze every penny, every morsel of food and wine out of the people. It didn’t take long for the confusion, the hunger and the raids to strike. The people confronted the king, no longer surrounded by a tall wall of aristocrats and bureaucrats to separate them.

They demanded truth, food and peace. The king only grinned.

He was donned in the shiniest armor made of gold, with adornments all around and threads that had the most expensive jewellery, which clacked as he walked, cascading down his torso  and covering his belly in a display of vanity and wealth. His boots and bracelets were of ivory white, more gold encrusted in them like decorated ceramic. Fine leather belts kept it all together, completed with a long cloak of red velvet that fell down his back and a strange helmet covered his head completely, with two long, curving golden horns. No part of his person could be seen, except a mask with a monstrous grin, wider than any mouth could humanly make and nothing more. In his hands were two curved, golden blades, pristine and wicked sharp.

The Grinning King spoke to his people.

“My subjects, you were taught through time that the will of the king is to listen to his people. To abide by whatever is asked of him. I am born of royal blood, have been gifted everything I wanted, even that which has yet to be given to me. I was taught that this is my right by blood, as it is yours to serve me and give me all that you have, for it is mine. Yet I have learned that our blood is all the same when spilled. On the floor we all walk, there is no difference between you and I save the circumstances of our birth. And I much prefer it that way.”

He made a bow, that of a thespian about to perform. With his arms spread, blades glistening, red cloak drifting behind him and imposing horns, he looked like a bloody demon.

“All that I have, I’ve been fortunate to possess, and when told to give it away, I made sure to keep it within my grasp. If you wish to take what is yours by right, you must do as I did, and take it from me!”


He pointed at them with one of his blades to mark his challenge, making them cower before his terrifying wealth.

“And make sure to smile as you do.” He purred.

The king was no swordsman, but he was a dancer. When he fell on them jumping, leaping, bouncing from one step to the other, he resembled more a jester than a warrior. It made no sense, decked as he was in such an uncomfortable, useless suit of armor. 

Yet his blades were precise. They cut, cleaved and carved through the masses of his people, bathing them in a golden death, bathing himself in their red entrails. The people screamed and begged, until those that still carried their anger fought back with what little they had.

It was an awful, gruesome mess.  Piles of dead meat and shattered bones grew beneath the king by the end, so tall it rivaled the empty castle he had lived in and never ruled from. Carcass upon carcass rested at his feet, and when the armor gave way and the tools of the wrathful people that had come to him finally managed to push through, killing the monster that had broken them, he fell back, joining the mass of silent dead.

When the few surviving peasants removed the helmet off his ruinous head, they found the king was still grinning. 

 

• I'm back! Got the inspo for this one from a dream of mine, it was a lot of fun to craft a small legend around this guy, perhaps I'll use him again in the future and get more on how much fun he has killing people lmao. Thanks as always Bibi for helping with beta reading!